I had almost decided not to share this long post that I wrote last week because time had gotten away from me and the moment had passed. Then the tragic shooting happened in Monterey Park, CA yesterday. I was reading an article this morning in which Rep. Judy Chu was quoted as saying “I’ve lived here for 37 years and I could never have imagined such a terrible thing happening”. It made me reflect on what I had written last week so I went back and finished it. I hope everyone involved will understand.
This year marked the 30th anniversary of the school shooting at East Carter High School in Grayson, KY. The events of January 18, 1993, ended two lives and forever changed the lives of countless others. I know this first-hand as a victim and survivor of the events, being one of the twenty-two fellow classmates held hostage by the shooter.
I have always tried to restrain from posting on social media about the events, particularly around the anniversary, because I know that everyone has different experiences and memories, and is at different points of recovery from the trauma. But in the last few months, I have posted about this crime and the resulting trauma in a very public way.
The post drew a lot of attention and resulted in an interview with LEX18 news, our local NBC affiliate. They did a story about the events that happened at East Carter, my experiences, my change of heart and beliefs, and how the events in Uvalde, TX had influenced my decisions.
LEX18 contacted me last week to do another interview for a story about the 30th anniversary of the East Carter school shooting. I agreed after discussing their approach and feeling comfortable that the Newstation wanted to simply report on the anniversary and have a person who was there that day reflect on it. Here’s the to the story to this post if you want to watch it. The reporter, Evelyn Schultz, did a fantastic job in asking questions that had me reflecting on the experience of the day and the aftermath, but not on the details of the event itself.
I reflected on the fact that no one was expecting to be sitting in their English class or teaching their English class and have their safety, security or life ripped away by a kid with a gun. That kind of thing didn’t happen in Grayson, KY in 1993. It was hard to process as it was happening. Some of us thought it was a stunt for drama club at first… It was unimaginable that we were reading our books for book reports one moment and dealing with being hostages the next.
I have often said that the person I was that walked into Room 108 at East Carter High School that day ceased to exist and was not the person who left the classroom. The effects of the trauma and resulting PTSD have been long time and deeper than I even imagined.
I have lost people in my life, but do not know what it is like to lose people to senseless violence. I cannot begin to imagine what Mrs. McDavid and Mr. Hick’s families have endured since that day. They thought their loved one was going to work and would follow whatever routine they had at the end of the school day. They could not know that a kid with a gun would end that feeling of normal, that familiar day-to-day life.
An entire school full of students, teachers, administrators, and support staff went to school that day assuming the day would unfold like most of them do… The end of the day would come and everyone would get on buses, get picked up by parents, drive themselves home, go to practice, stay and grade papers or have meetings… No one could imagine that a kid with a gun would change that day and as a result change everyone forever.
The parents, families, and community all went about their lives that day too until the calls started going around town that something was happening at the high school. Parents were frantic to know if their kids were okay, as were the families of those kids and parents. Friends and neighbors worried and prayed. The community was stunned and shocked that a big city thing like a shooting at a school could happen here…
I said in my interview, which of course was longer than what you see in the clips in the story that aired, that we will never know the true impact of the school shooting, murder, and hostage situation that happened on January 18, 1993. There are certainly the families of Mrs. McDavid and Mr. Hicks who grieve and are forever changed. There are twenty-two of us who were held hostage for an extended period of time believing our lives were in danger. After witnessing murder, being held against your will, and then being told you may be spared because the shooter might not have enough bullets, the recovery is not simple. This kind of trauma and resulting PTSD has ripple effects that impact families, friends, co-workers, etc.
An entire school felt the impact of the loss of safety and the death of two beloved members of the staff. The dedicated professionals who continued to work after the loss of their co-workers, fighting grief and probably fears for safety, were amazing. They no doubt dealt with and still deal with these issues for years following the event. The Community was impacted by the reality that a school shooting had happened here, in Grayson, where it’s not supposed to happen…
This event was more than a headline. It was a senseless crime that changed more lives than we will ever know. It merits reflections thirty years later because impacts are still felt, the lives lost are still missed, and lessons from it are still not learned. I remember thinking at some point following the shooting/hostage situation that “they will never let this happen at a school again!”. Today, “school shootings” is a news topic and have more special interest groups and advocacy organizations than I can count and school kids participate in active shooter drills.
The events like the one I was involved in 30 years ago or the events in Monterey Park on Sunday are just that to most, events. They are news stories that get covered for several days and then cataloged as examples of why we need gun control or better mental health coverage. But to the people who are there, who live it, feel it, these events live on in ways you may never know and that are not reported. They don’t report “Mass shooting today. 15 killed, 11 wounded, 200 with chronic PTSD, and at least 500 directly or indirectly who will never be the same”.
These are the untold stories of gun violence in America.
